The Day I Let Go of My Darling: A True Story of Courage, Closure, Community, & Rebirth
Welcome to the ILLUMINATION Writing and Reading Academy on Substack, not on Medium!
Medium readers can read this story here and provide feedback.
It was a cold Saturday morning in Melbourne, June 2024. I had just finished a 30-minute meditation on a longer fast at 4:30 AM when I checked my email. Six messages from Medium curators were waiting for me — all rejecting stories we had nominated for Boost from former ILLUMINATION-Curated.
Each of these stories was written by established writers who had poured their hearts into their work. Our senior editors had spent days — sometimes weeks — polishing, guiding, and supporting these writers to ensure every nomination met and exceeded Medium’s editorial guidelines.
Given my previously positive working relationship with the Boost program manager, I reached out via Slack — the same workspace I had invited her to, and where we had often communicated. For months, she kindly provided feedback that helped me improve the submission criteria for our publications.
But that morning, her reply surprised me. “Dr. Y, I’m sorry, I had to leave your Slack. I am very busy. Please submit any inquiries through the help desk.”
I respected her decision and followed her instructions. I sent a formal email to the help desk, kindly asking why every single one of our nominations had suddenly started getting rejected.
Oddly, something similar had happened to
, another boost nominator, just a few weeks earlier. Until then, about 70% of his nominations were accepted. Then, suddenly, none were. And then Medium terminated Aiden’s contract with one line saying that they are scaling the program, and he is welcome to apply in the future. But Aiden has now become a Udemy instructor and a bestselling Substack author.In that same month, 90% of my nominations were also declined. Some of the rejections were hard to understand, as some writers had dual PhDs in their fields, and some were award-winning writers, including New York Times best-selling authors, whose qualifying stories usually got boosted.
When I finally received a response, it was curt:
“Sorry, Dr. Y, you should know better. No feedback is given.”
After spending an hour carefully writing that email with constructive feedback, this reply felt like a punch in the gut. At first, I was deeply hurt. But then I reminded myself of the pressure they might be under and chose empathy over resentment.
Still, I believed this warranted a more thoughtful conversation. I wrote to the leadership team, explaining the impact these abrupt changes were having — not just on me, but on our writers and volunteer editors, who were growing increasingly discouraged.
A week later, one of the directors kindly replied, asking:
“Hello, I am Director XYZ. What exactly do you want from us, and how can we work better together? Tell us with full honesty and transparency. I’m waiting for your response.”
This thoughtful message and open-ended questions lifted my spirits. I spent over an hour writing the details and replied with honesty and clarity, outlining a constructive path forward with full empathy and compassion for the challenges of Medium.
Then I waited. Two weeks passed. No response came. The rejections continued. I wrote to the helpdesk, and no response. After a month, I heard that the director and the program manager were no longer with Medium.
The sad part, during this period, ILLUMINATION-Curated’s stats dropped significantly, even though we had hundreds of boosted stories. Some senior editors started resigning, and some deleted their Medium accounts.
Writers I had personally nominated began to lose faith in my efforts, thinking that I did not nominate their stories and wasted their time. A few of them even blocked me on Medium, on social media, and on LinkedIn, where we used to collaborate.
It felt like watching something I had lovingly built begin to unravel.
Eventually, I gathered with our senior editors.
In a nutshell, they said:
“Dr. Yildiz, we believe in your vision. We support your mission. We have happily worked for free to keep this community going for years. We supported the boost program dearly by editing every piece before nomination. But we can no longer tolerate this toxic pattern. We feel disrespected our writers are treated like a sh*t. We spend countless hours editing and curating stories, and our efforts go nowhere. The algorithm buries rejected stories. They are never seen unless someone has a direct link. We are quitting the boost program, which means nothing to us anymore.”
They were right. Writers were right, too. I felt like the meat in a sandwich — caught between frustrated writers, disheartened editors, an unresponsive program manager, uncaring curators, confused readers, and a Medium which remained opaque as usual.
So, I made the hardest decision of my community work as a Medium publisher. I resigned from the Boost nominator role and closed beloved ILLUMINATION-Curated.
It was like killing my own darling.
But I believed it would rise from its ashes, because this publication was never just a publication. It was a symbol of authentic community on this platform. I loved it deeply. I rebranded it as Curated Newsletters on Medium because, despite my reservations, a part of me still held on to hope.
However, many writers left the old Illumination-Curated during that time, as they were unaware of my articles about closing it and my resignation from the Boost program. Thousands of them turned to ILLUMINATION with more stories, hoping for a boost, further increasing my already heavy load. But without understanding the vision of a curated newsletter publication, the concept became diluted.
Rebirthing ILLUMINATION-Curated from Its Ashes
When I founded ILLUMINATION-Curated in 2020, I immediately registered a domain name and paid for it every year since. For a long time, it was just a simple landing page. But it helped over 120,000 subscribers join the Illumination-Connect network I had founded back in 1995 when I was an academic networker.
By 2024, my mailing list had grown to 700,000. I even wrote a book about smart email marketing, which will be available on 30 April 2025 in digital, paperback, and audio formats.
Around 10% of my subscribers joined my Substack networks, such as Health and Wellness, Content Marketing Insights, and Illumination Book Club, increasing my Substack subscribers to 134,000 now.
Looking back, resigning from the Boost program, closing the publication, and Medium’s silent treatment felt like a turning point — a blessing in disguise.
It gave me the space and clarity to grow our community on Substack.
A few days ago, I shared the first quarter’s results in a transparent report. Unsurprisingly, that story was not distributed to a single follower on Medium. That was fine. I shared it on Substack instead, and our members appreciated every line.
As I mentioned in that update, we are now entering the second quarter of the Substack Mastery Boost Pilot. One of the biggest milestones? Opening our first public publication on Substack.
Welcome to the ILLUMINATION Writing and Reading Academy.
I briefly announced it today. Interested writers and readers can access the announcement via this public link, open and free to all.
Because it is an innovative and layered concept, I will share more in another story. I know everyone may not easily understand it due to its novelty, as no one has done anything like that before.
Some sour grapes, as usual, may even find it disruptive and give it all sorts of names, projecting their own insecurities. And as always, some will gossip — just like they did when I first created ILLUMINATION and ILLUMINATION-Curated.
But I no longer worry about what others say.
My purpose is simple: to create meaningful experiences for writers and readers.
My doors remain open to ethical writers. Everything I do is by invitation. Writers are always welcome to join — and they are equally welcome to leave, with my blessings, if our services no longer speak to them.
Once the Substack Mastery Boost program becomes successful, rising from its ashes like a Phoenix, ILLUMINATION-Curated will be an independent platform giving voice to thousands of freelance writers and inspiring content to millions of readers after 2026.
If You Are a Freelancer, Stop Thinking Small and Manufacturing Excuses: Rise Above Mediocrity to Win
Check out here the progress of the ILLUMINATION Substack Mastery Boost Pilot for Freelancers and Startups.
Please feel free to leave a comment, ask questions, and contact me via my website, on Slack workspace, or Substack DMs when you need help. It is a pleasure for me to support our community members to the best of my ability.
Thank you for reading my perspectives. I wish you a healthy and happy life.
Health and well-being are essential to me and my readers. The brain, cognitive performance, and mental health are my research and interest areas. Therefore, I recently authored a book titled Train Your Brain for a Healthier and Happier Life and shared some sample chapters on this platform. You can find links to ten chapters through this introductory story:
Early Access to “Train Your Brain for a Healthier and Happier Life”
Why I wrote this comprehensive book and how readers can benefit from it to improve their cognitive performance and…medium.com
Another health-related book I published recently is Cortisol Clarity, as chronic stress is the root cause of many physical and mental conditions.
Cortisol Clarity: Why I Wrote a Book About the Stress Hormone Published on 1 January 2025
Chronic stress is a causal factor for major health conditions like insulin resistance, metabolic syndrome, type II…medium.com
If you are a writer on this platform, you are welcome to join my publications by sending a request via this link. I support 36K writers who contribute to my publications on this platform. You can contact me via my website. If you are a new writer, you might check out my writing list to find some helpful stories for your education.
I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter on Substack now. Over 134K+ readers subscribe to it, and I offer experience-based content on health, content strategy, and technology topics to inform, educate, and inspire you. I also provide mentoring, coaching, and networking support to writers and professionals through this network for growth.
Health and Wellness Network — [A Best Selling Substack Publication]
Content Strategy, Development, & Marketing Insights
This story brought fond and painful memories, Dr. Yildiz. Thank you for writing it from the heart. It gave hope and a few tears, thinking of your wonderful support to countless writers despite your heavy workload and mental stress. I am very grateful for your support and admire your servant leadership. I am also a proud founding member of Illumination-Connect and will serve as a boost nominator, curator, and promoter of this service. I will even work harder than I did on Medium.
Dr Yildiz, I remember every joyful and painful moment from those times. Naively, I believed the Boost program might save Medium, but after a few months, it felt like nothing more than lipstick on a pig. They rejected every story my nominators put forward — and while I could accept that for myself, what truly disheartened me was seeing them dismiss the incredible stories I had spent hours editing, guiding brilliant PhDs with powerful content and outstanding writing skills.
Medium never deserved a curated publication like ILLUMINATION-Curated. Sadly, they dismantled it just as they did with their once-thriving in-house and partner publications like PS I Love You, The Ascent, and others.
In my humble opinion, this platform has become increasingly myopic.
I often wish someone like Chris Best were at the helm — a strategic CEO with vision, courage, and respect for creators.
Medium doesn’t need to control or guard writers like prisoners. It needs leadership that empowers creativity, bringing innovation, and genuinely supports the community it claims to serve.
Thank you for showing your leadership for this wonderful community on Substack. Your guidance is much appreciated and your vision/mission is commendable. Like many, I am behind you as a founding member and sponsor. Keep shining and illuminating us, mate 🌟